Am I praying for someone else’s death?

I got an email recently from a friend in another state who was struggling with a really deep question:  “How can I pray for an organ to become available to save the life of my loved one when that would mean the death of someone else?”  She asked me that question because twice our immediate family has been in the position of needing an organ transplant to survive.  We had to struggle through that question in a very personal way.  She was simply asking for advice from someone who’s walked that road.

It is quite a dilemma, isn’t it?  It seems to be one of those situations where doing God’s will for two different people is in direct conflict.  Do you remember Martin Luther’s explanation of the Fifth Commandment?  It goes like this, “We should fear and love God that we do not hurt or harm our neighbor in his body, but help and befriend him in every bodily need.”  So looking out for my loved one who needs an organ transplant would mean praying for that organ to become available – which would mean someone would have to die for that to happen.  Looking out for my neighbor who would have to provide that organ would mean praying that they survive, too.  Which means my loved one wouldn’t get the organ and would die.  It seems no matter what I pray for someone is going to die.  Right?

Well, here’s one of those places where our human reason and logic can put us in a box that our big, wise, and powerful God is not locked in.  God teaches us in his Word that he holds the decisions about life and death – for everyone.  Whether they have signed a donor card or not, God is the one who decides.  Consider these statements:  "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  (Psalm 139:16); "My times are in your hands."  That is true for my loved one who needs a transplant and it is true for everyone else – including those who have signed their donor card.  People don’t die because I want my loved one to have an organ.  People die when God decides that it is their time.  He decides, not me.

God also teaches us that he gives careful thought and care to when he allows death to come to one of his own:  "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants."  (Psalm 116:15)  So God will give careful thought to when he permits death to come my loved one.  It may be that the illness which makes an organ transplant necessary is what he will use to call them home to heaven.  And God isn’t going to abdicate his prerogative about the death of someone else to me.  He will decide for them, too.

So where does this all get resolved?  Not in my prayers, but in the fathomless wisdom of our gracious and compassionate God.  The depths of that wisdom are just too much for me to plumb.  I can only leave this matter in the hands of God who is smart enough to coordinate someone’s passing with someone’s need, if that is his will.

In the end, I came to offer this kind of prayer – and it’s what I suggested to my friend:  "Lord, you know that my loved one needs an organ transplant.  You also know how much we want that to happen so that her life may be prolonged.  And we also know that you, Lord, hold these decisions in your hands and that you are wise enough to coordinate someone's passing with someone else's need.  So do that according to your wisdom and will.  If it is your will that my loved one is to be helped by someone else's kind and generous decision to be an organ donor, then your will be done.  If it is your will that you use this illness to call my loved one to yourself, then may that be done in your own time and way.  Just give me the patience to wait for your plan to unfold and give me the trust to accept it."

Let’s not forget, however, that people decide to be organ donors before they die.  It’s as easy as signing on that line on your drivers license.  Why not give that prayerful consideration now?  Signing your donor card means that when God decides to take you home to the glory of heaven, someone else will benefit from parts of you that were “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and which served you well for many years.  It also means that this tough decision won’t have to be made by your family when they are in the midst of the heartache of your sudden passing.  Think about making it easy on them and think of the joy that decision could bring to someone else when they are having the worst day imaginable!

The backdrop against which all of this plays out is summed up really well by the apostle Paul who wrote this:  “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or image, according to his power that is at work within us, to him by glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen!”  (Ephesians 3:20-21).

So pray with confidence.  Pray with an open heart.  Pray that God’s will be done. Pray that God’s precious gift of life is honored – both by those who generously have decided to be an organ donor and by those wonderfully blessed by that decision.  It’s all in the hands of our gracious God!